Ok so it took me long enough to blog again but don't complain. At least I made it. There's something that's been buggin me a lot lately and I'm not sure whether I should write it in here or not but I guess that I should because what else is a blog good for eh? Well lately, with all the prom crap, the question on the tip of everyones tongue seems to be about daniel and I and that doesnt bother me a bit because Im so used to it and all. I mean we've been dealin with it for years. I guess its just got me thinking a lot, not necessarily in a 'hmm I wonder what would happen if....' but more like in a 'what exactly are we?' kinda way. Lately I keep having all of these dreams too about Daniel and Kyle and just ex-boyfriends in general which is really REALLY freakin me out cuz some of them are about stuff that never happened like making out with people I dated (from back in the day) and killing people I'm still holding grudges against. The psychology of it all always end up with some weird interpretation too. For instance, the dream I had about all of my ex-boyfriends killing Kyle and going to his funeral- I was sad which SHOULD mean that I still have a lot of feelings for him, but I don't think I do. Then there's the dream about making out with Daniel and that's just twisted because not only did we never do that, but we're not in "that place" right now- that leads to me to believe that I either subconsciously regret not doing stuff like that with Daniel, that I have feelings for him and I want to be in "that place", or that I just have an urge to kiss him. I know what everyone's thinking...something along the lines of 'I told you so' but it's not like that and I know that says like absolutely NOTHING in my defense but...oh nevermind. There have been nightmares where all I do is get beat up by my exs or attempted rape and even one about me beating HIM up. What does it all mean? I just don't want a boyfriend right now because having one affects EVERYTHING I do and so what happens? I have a thousand and a half dreams about them! GRRR!!! Ok let's get a bit more impersonal: Chad's taking me and Liza and Daniel to the first Twister's game of the season tomorrow and Sunday I'm goin to my dad's house to cookout and tomorrow I'm also taking the ACT for the umpteenth time. There's just so much going on and prom is three weeks from today and I feel so unprepared but I'm probably more prepared than most people.....(purple.blue.purple.blue. lol jk) Ehh I think I'm allergic to something that keeps touching my arms...........................I'm goin to see Secret Window with Daniel tonight so I need to get ready. That's enough for now anyways, I'll sign off with this:
I'm not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you.
So I have to say before I go that I just want you to know.
I found a reason for me to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new and the reason is you.
I found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know.
A reason for all that I do, and the reason is you.....
GREAT SONG!