god i hate hospitals. i dont hate them because of the usual reasons, ya know just because there's sickness and disease everywhere or cuz of all the gadgets or the gloomy atmosphere or any of that crap. i just hate them because i know that as soon as the word "hospital" is uttered.....its a very very bad thing. i know that generally ill have to go there at least two to three times during the patients stay and i know that as soon as i walk into that room, my one pride and joy will leave me- im referring to words. i have a tendency to become silent and melancholy. i just sit and observe everything: the nurses coming in and out checkin this gadget or that one, the family all aimlessly wondering about the room lookin at plants and making small talk while the mother is hovering over every little whimper or cough. i know that generally the main person that stays with the patient is bound to average one fight a day with the nurse and have at least one good stern talkin to the head nurse depending on the alotted time of their stay. god i hate hospitals. its rare that i have to go there, although now that my parents are in that age zone i know ill be going more and more and i know that when i do go, its not just some stupid normal everyday thing. its gonna require a lot of updates, a lot of playing secretary with the people that call, a lot of watering plants, a lot of small talk- and a complete takeover of insomnia and loss of appetite. thats just how it goes. hours and hours of waiting in uncomfortable chairs with some monotone tv show playing constantly and a faint but yet very much alive drip of the IV into that small tunnel of plastic. lucky for me nearly half my extended family are nurses or medical personnel of some sort- not that it does me any good cuz ive never had any serious problems and i never hope to. ive only had one surgery in my life and that was completely voluntary on my behalf- just get it over with now...mine as well instead of having to deal with complications later. its not like it made a difference to me either way. i mean choice one: get the fun gas, put to sleep, 3 hours later wake up, go home and sleep for 4 days OR choice number two: wait til im thirty with a gap between my two front teeth the size of miami....hmm real hard choice. i hate the way everyone expects me to do something major in life.....preferrably with a PhD or Doctor in front of my name if you get my drift. all i want to do is write, act, dance, sing, take pictures......hell ill even be behind the scenes. its what "gets my motor running" so to speak. its my passion. the day that i stop recording my lifes adventures is the day that 6 feet of dirt and rocks are forcing me to stay down. currently ive settled for being a sound manager at my school and i basically get to play with all the sound equipment, music and whatnot during plays or contests or anything of that sort. its the next best thing to acting. i acted all of my elementary school life and i was always the lead role, except in musicals lol cuz my vocal talents need more than a bit of tuning- but that doesnt stop me from loving to sing just as much as the pros. hell i WAS the little red hen! i wrote and presented a speech at my graduation as the first student on stage. they all tell me i have "so much talent" but then they say talent and brains- brains go first, henceforth the Doctor and PhD directions im pointed in. i hope God will give me the strength i need to handle this pressure that has been put upon me............maybe someday ill succeed.......