Ok so I had an extremely weird dream last night. It all starts with me driving to Lizz's to see Evan. I pull up and he's outside and I was like "so I hear you like my stereo huh?" and he goes "HELL YEA! Jump in and I'll show you"....so I get in his truck and we start driving down one of the trails and when we get back I noticed that Lizz wasn't home and suddenly I became EXTREMELY uncomfortable and as if it wasn't strange enough....Rachel shows up as Evan and I get out of his truck. Well she starts yellin at Evan and so I just kinda walked up the hill behind her house into the woods and I notice that there's this ramp type thing being built out of wood on the edge of a cliff that I didn't even know was there. So I walk up the ramp, following the sound of hammering. Who else would be building a skate ramp in the middle of woods and in the middle of my dream but RJ. So I was like "hey RJ, what the heck are you doin?"..."building a skate ramp, what does it look like?" I go sit by him and tell him about Rachel and Evan fightin and he was like "yeah....I'm really glad that we stopped fightin like that. I kinda missed talkin to ya. You were a great friend ya know?" and at that point I thought OK this is not right so then I hear this loud CRASH and glass shattering so I run back to the house and I see Miss Melissa, Mrs Forgy, Mrs Bell, and I think Mrs Waddell sitting out on the deck talking calmly like nothing had happened. I run to the other side of the house to see what it was and I see that a car had apparently rolled downhill into Rachel's van, but that's not all. The reason it had slid down the hill was because another car had rammed into it. So here we have a two-car-pileup that crashed into Rachel's van and Rachel is off somewhere fightin with Evan. Frantically I run around the property screaming for Rachel and when I finally catch her she's been crying and she is really angry, but not just at Evan, at me as well. So I tried to tell her about the van but she just wouldn't listen to me until finally I ran in front of her to try to stop her. She dodged me though so I grabbed her arm and she swung around and I slapped her across the face and screamed "RACHEL! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU I'M SORRY AND THAT YOU'RE VAN IS WRECKED! DON'T YOU EVEN CARE!?" at which point she looked at me as if it was the first time she'd seen me and ran to the van. The rest of the dream is bits and pieces, mainly things like Lizz coming home and yelling at Evan for being an idiot and starting the whole mess and a bit about RJ skating himself right off the cliff, but somehow surviving. Yeah..........freaky huh? Prom is in 5 days.......

Ok so it took me long enough to blog again but don't complain. At least I made it. There's something that's been buggin me a lot lately and I'm not sure whether I should write it in here or not but I guess that I should because what else is a blog good for eh? Well lately, with all the prom crap, the question on the tip of everyones tongue seems to be about daniel and I and that doesnt bother me a bit because Im so used to it and all. I mean we've been dealin with it for years. I guess its just got me thinking a lot, not necessarily in a 'hmm I wonder what would happen if....' but more like in a 'what exactly are we?' kinda way. Lately I keep having all of these dreams too about Daniel and Kyle and just ex-boyfriends in general which is really REALLY freakin me out cuz some of them are about stuff that never happened like making out with people I dated (from back in the day) and killing people I'm still holding grudges against. The psychology of it all always end up with some weird interpretation too. For instance, the dream I had about all of my ex-boyfriends killing Kyle and going to his funeral- I was sad which SHOULD mean that I still have a lot of feelings for him, but I don't think I do. Then there's the dream about making out with Daniel and that's just twisted because not only did we never do that, but we're not in "that place" right now- that leads to me to believe that I either subconsciously regret not doing stuff like that with Daniel, that I have feelings for him and I want to be in "that place", or that I just have an urge to kiss him. I know what everyone's thinking...something along the lines of 'I told you so' but it's not like that and I know that says like absolutely NOTHING in my defense but...oh nevermind. There have been nightmares where all I do is get beat up by my exs or attempted rape and even one about me beating HIM up. What does it all mean? I just don't want a boyfriend right now because having one affects EVERYTHING I do and so what happens? I have a thousand and a half dreams about them! GRRR!!! Ok let's get a bit more impersonal: Chad's taking me and Liza and Daniel to the first Twister's game of the season tomorrow and Sunday I'm goin to my dad's house to cookout and tomorrow I'm also taking the ACT for the umpteenth time. There's just so much going on and prom is three weeks from today and I feel so unprepared but I'm probably more prepared than most people.....(purple.blue.purple.blue. lol jk) Ehh I think I'm allergic to something that keeps touching my arms...........................I'm goin to see Secret Window with Daniel tonight so I need to get ready. That's enough for now anyways, I'll sign off with this:
I'm not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you.
So I have to say before I go that I just want you to know.
I found a reason for me to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new and the reason is you.
I found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know.
A reason for all that I do, and the reason is you.....
GREAT SONG!