A Rare Thing- An Actual BLOG

As some of you already know, there was a bit of drama at the beginning of July regarding the Daltons. However, if you weren't fortunate enough to hear the story (and yes, I know that there were only like 2 people that I told) then I'm sorry but that ship has sailed. I have decided that I will use this particular opportunity to not blog an update, but to blog an actual blog and by definition I believe that means I shall blog thoughts instead of events. We'll see how it goes. So I feel like I'm being pulled 7,000 different ways at once and I am reminded of that Tuscany movie with Diane Lane or whatever her name is where the blonde, Italian actress said to her "I should like to offer you a bit of advice that FeFe gave me when I was just beginning: FeFe always said that you must live spherically, in all directions, and you shall find true happiness." So again, I sit and think 'Am I happy?' and naturally the answer is both yes and no, as I'm sure it is with everyone. Then, I redirect the advice by asking myself 'Is living spherically really a good thing?' Ah ha! Herein lies the question. Do I continue to worry about the fact that my college doesn't actually offer a damn thing I want to major in, or that I will have to attend this college virtually alone? Then come other, more impending questions like : How am I going to move out? Where will I get a job since now I am unemployed? and How will I keep that job, while having a full schedule at school, and still be able to afford insurance, bills, and a life on my own? Will it ever slow down? So, you've got your general, overall questions and your impending questions, but what about the immediate, tedious things that are necessary before taking any steps forward? When shall I open my checking account and how much money should I put in it from my savings? Should I start taking inventory of my possessions so that I'll know what I need when the time comes to move out? Should I also worry about who I move out with and how he will deal with his own shit? Then, there's the Dalton Dilemma (dun dun dun). What did I do that was so horribly wrong to cause me to get fired and cut off from the one person I thought would never betray me? and as far as that goes, whatever it was that I did do to make her so mad, why did it have to go so far as to make the one man who has NEVER been on my side for ANYTHING and has disliked me from day one to defend me? If I learned anything my Senior year, I learned that I have harbored a talent for causing betrayal amongst my friends without my own knowledge apparently for quite some time. I guess it all goes back to the "How far will you go for the one you love?" cliche. That's alright though, on most levels, simply because I'm okay with being mostly friendless majority of the time. It was part of how I was raised. I won't, however, say that I'm happy with the way things turned out because there are times when I miss my friends. I just have to remind myself that the path that they chose was one I was unwilling to compromise my own beliefs with. I could rehatch the "been there, done that, ain't going back" speech but it's too old for comfort anymore mainly because I hate remembering that I have been there, and I have done that. I'd rather deny the whole damn era to be honest. Now, I have another dilemma that has been talked to death in 15,000 directions since the beginning of this blog and I'm sure everyone's sick and tired of hearing about......and since we all know who the dilemma is referring to, I think it's safe to spare the speech and get straight to what comments I would receive. My favorite response always comes from lizz because no matter what she says, she always says the same damn thing: "Stephanie, you need to learn to move on with your life and stop worrying about Daniel. He's had a tough time getting through everything and you always go and complicate things so just drop it already, move on, and leave him alone." Short, to the point, and never right. However, on this blog I will refrain from saying another word about him just on the off chance I keep someone's eyes from being gauged out lol. Now, Eddie (aka Charles Chandler) requested I post some more of the script I began writing a few months ago....and I shall tell you why I cannot oblige. First off, it has turned into a book, no longer a play. Second, I'm on page 32 and that's just a ridiculous amount to put on a blog. Third, I've been on page 32 for about 2 months now and I'm stuck, and fourth, I simply don't want anyone to be able to read it just in case I get lucky and brave enough to publish it someday...that is, if it ever gets finished. I think I only have writer's block for fear that I will fail to connect the story the whole way through, and not because I ran out of creative juices. Whew, okay, that's all I can handle for now....I'll be back.