sometimes i feel so alone in the world. i mean sure ive got friends and family and whatever but, i just feel so alone. kinda like that sayin: alone in a crowd. i feel very alone and that depresses me a lot because im so alone that i cant talk about it to anyone. my friends would just look at me like im stupid i tihnk because it seems when im gone- everything is thrown off which i have to admit- is very reassuring. i need to be needed, but i dont like it when people are too dependent on me. it feels good to be missed ya know? i mean im just fine and dandy bein on my lonesome and doin what i do, but having some one to talk to.....to REALLY talk to, would be wonderful at times. maybe i wouldnt feel so left out. its weird that i feel this way though because im just the opposite of left out- im right smack in the middle of everything most of the time, which goes back to my "alone in a crowd" theory. im so sectioned off from everyone else it seems...i dunno. i dunno where this is going. my husband is gonna be the person that i talk to cuz he sure as hell better like talkin lol cuz i gotta mouthful to say. its a scary thought that in 5 years time i should be finishing college and within 10 years time ill be married, hopefully workin on having a family. thats so weird to say cuz i always swore up and down kids were NOT my thing and that he day i had a kid was the day kids could be programmed to shut up or whatever. funny how ironic it is that the other night i had a very interesting convo with my mom about the whole "sex" and whatnot. she just said "Tell me when ya do it so that we can keep ya from gettin pregnant cuz there aint nuthin in this world thats worse than an unwanted child." i want a kid though, i realize that now. i want someone to teach experiences to, to tell stories to, to just kick it with-- i guess that makes no sense but i think itd be greater than great to have a lifelong friend no matter what happens. id give anything for a husband that....well lets not go there. ya know at my age most kids just blow off the whole "true love" theory and they dont buy into relationships that last awhile cuz either they arent interested, their parents wont let them, they have committment issues, or they're crazy lol. sure ive got a b/f and everything but he lives 8 hours away. i cant handle that. i mean we can date or whatever other people but...its not the same. i just want a guy that i can have fun with, that i can spend time with, that doesnt stress me to no end, and that loves me back. it doesnt seem like that much to ask to me but i guess it is cuz so far, ive only found one guy thats met these standards and more......cant go there though. not my territory anymore. oh well, ill deal with it later. BYE!