Well, I just read a blogger that Daniel wrote about me a few days ago. I just wish he understood exactly why I don't talk to him like I talk to other people. I don't think he gets that he's different from everyone else in my life. He's just different. He always has been. He wonders why I can talk to everyone else late at night on the phone but not him- it's because majority of the time I'm afraid to. Usually if we talk that late then something's wrong or something will be wrong soon. I didn't talk to him the other night that much because he was talking to Lizz and it seemed like he was enjoying it so I didn't want to bother him. I know that's no excuse but that's really what I was thinking. Plus the fact that when I did talk to him he seemed angry with me....which I now know he was...but he just doesn't understand how or why he's different. I care about him alot but I'm through with taking his shit. I don't want to make him angry but it seems like I always do, or he always makes me angry. God I don't understand why a friendship as good as ours once was has turned to what it is now....or why it had to. God forbid I ever say goodbye to Daniel. He said in his blogger that he always had a second choice with his emotions (however he worded it) but he wouldn't talk about it because "certain people don't wanna hear it" or some crap like that.....which meant me. I mean is it really all that bad that I want him to live? to not smoke? to not drink or do anything that could endanger his life and take him away from me? is it REALLY that horrible for me to care so much? I've never really cared for anyone the way that I care for him because he's in a class of his own. I know what he means by hating the fact that he cant stop thinking about me or whatever even when he doesnt want to.....it's the same way with me. I may hang up on him and yell at him and all, but as soon as I do that- it's all that I think about for the next week or month.....sometimes I regret it sometimes I don't but he's my best friend and I hate that he hates me and I hate that I cause him so much pain and I HATE that I hate it all! He thinks I make him angry? He has no idea. He may get angry, but I get hurt...and there's nuthin worse than that. I know it seems like I'm competing with him and his idea of who has it worse because of the other.....but maybe neither of us have it bad, we just make it bad. *sigh* Daniel, if you're reading this-I ask only one thing:LISTEN to what this blogger is saying. Don't just read it, JUST LISTEN. Please......