I'm really starting to worry about my friend Daniel a lot. He seems to be keeping something from me, not necessarily in a secretive way, but like he's holding something back...like he is afraid. Then again, I feel a little thankful that he's afraid because sometimes he burdens my mind with all the worrying I do for him. I feel as though he is one of the few people in this world that could actually tear me down to nothing just on a whim. He had strong feelings for me I know, and I feel like majority of that is my fault because I admit that I push his emotions too far sometimes. I don't know what to do with him though. I mean, after all that he and I have been through, I have very very strong feelings for him because he is my best friend- and I'm going to try my damnedest to keep it that way as long as I can stand it. I care a lot about him and what happens to him and I don't know what I'd ever do if I really lost him. Of course, I have to realize all the damage that I've done........all the fighting, and how I could not stand to hear the sound of his voice at one point in time because it just clicked in my mind for me to instantly rebutt with this horrible viciousness I didn't even know I harbored. That was greeted warmly by his "I can't stand to look at you" phase......that was the end of it I thought for a long time. Then I realized how much I missed him, how much I needed him, how big a part of my life he was, and how not having someone to share things with and talk to (whether his jealousy reared its ugly head or not) really got to me. That's when I decided it was time for me to suck it up, admit my being wrong, and get my best friend back............on that one condition that it would be only that: best friends. No more lovey-dovey-let's-go-out crap where we could both get hurt. So far that's been going well, at least on the outside. I have to admit though, when I went to his house and we were left alone.....when he started playing that damn guitar for me......there was a spark. I sat there in silence, confusion, and tried to supress the feeling as hard as I could by telling myself "Stop it Stephanie, you're being ridiculous. You know better than to even THINK of that. Just stop it this instant." I don't even think he noticed, which I'm thankful for as well. I let me emotions run away with me all too often. Hurts people.....it's my own damn fault though. I'm a compulsive manipulator. I twist and turn and come up with technicalities that would make ur head spin. (sigh) I wonder if he still gets sparks with me sometimes.....I wonder if they'll ever stop. I often think of Kyle that way too, just in a more romantic way. I think of us going out and it makes sense cuz we're good together we really are. I worry though about school years and college and the future basically.....I know we COULD last but that doesn't mean we WILL last. It's always been a duel with those two boys but it's like I've decided how it will be: Daniel's got my soul, Kyle's got my heart....and they fight over space for my mind lol. J/k I wish life was easier. That would be nice wouldn't it? Easy Life. Nothing is ever easy and if it is, there's something wrong. Visit this website: (it might explain daniel's view on things to u) http://thefluffy.blogspot.com/ Later yall