i know its been awhile since ive written. ill try to repay myself by writing something actually worth reading now. lately ive been contemplating my relationships, debating whther or not they're good, bad, medium- whether they are important or not so important- the way i act to these people or how they act towards me.....a lot goes into such a dilemma. as i have stated before, i have many regrets that have just recently surfaced and now more than ever i wish i could fix them. i cant explain this sudden urge i have to make everything right but it might have a little to do with the FUCKING F(!!!!!) i got in algebra 2...ehem i have no comment on that. anyways, my regrets list has become more plentiful and here's just a few things on it: i wish i didnt treat my friends as bad as i do when im on the edge and feel extra bitchy....especially daniel cuz i take a lot out on him. i get really mad at him a lot and i dont know what it is but lately, i just want to lash out at him in particular because it seems that he frustrates me more than ever. it might have something to do with the fact that i feel insecure (i guess thats the word) around him and i cant trust him and i dunno i just want to make him feel the pain hes caused me- which is really just down low, evil, cruel, and STUPID above all else. i know he tries to make it up to me cuz apparently my opinion means a lot to him- more than nearly anything- but to me i dont understand how that can be if he hurt me so bad. maybe its subconscious. who knows. but onward! to the list! i regret not actually trying with shane cuz i never really did try to be that great of a g/f to him, i fell under pressure and i dont know why but theres always gonna be something about him- something that ill always want. i just never tried because i wanted to go and do stuff and still have friendships that i had before- but im the idiot and i should have just let everything change because REAL FRIENDS wouldn't leave cuz of my b/f. he was there friend too...well most of them. he did so much for me, he was willing to do so much more, he was always there for me and i hope he still is. i regret not giving him the chance i should have because i think if i hadnt been stupid i might still be with him, but ill never know. another thing i regret, leaving my dads house. sure it did me a Hell of a lot of good but i promise it did just as much bad as it did good. sure it got me away from everything but thats just it- it took me AWAY from EVERYTHING.......my father, my step mother, my childhood, my life......theres a lot...a LOT of pain there, but part of it is my own fault for running when running wasnt the best solution i could have picked. i think ive turned into a different person because i used to be all work no play, straight A's, little miss perfect angel.....now im like fuck it, i dont care, this is boring- i want FUN, with a DAMN F!!! gosh that pisses me off..... well i think that the thing that has been bothering me most lately- at least about myself, is that i dont think that the last few years i have taken the right path. i think i kinda went my own way, did my own thing, tryin to be stupidly independent. but ya know, i cant tell if that theory is right because i want to think that i did the right thing, i want to think that i know what im doing. i want to think that im always right...i guess its a wake up call for stephanie today.......