I'm all alone today. Lizz is working, Marilea is at David's til 11pm, LaDona is with Bo for the rest of the day babysitting, Rachel is with Evan cuz he's off work, Kyle's out of town, and even Daniel is with someone else right now. I don't have to work and it's a Saturday, I have no money, and I've rented every movie there is to rent. I even stuped to asking my mother to go and do something with me but apparently floating in the pool readin her book is more important. I can't go ride my bike because it's broken somehow and I really have no homework because I'm dropping the class that I was assigned homework in. I saw about a thousand people at the first football game last night that I didn't want to see and I really didn't have that much fun. The whole reason I went to the game ended up being pointless which frustrated the hell out of me. On top of all that, Mark called me last night at about 10:45pm and we talked for maybe 10 minutes which is a first since we broke up. Speaking of which I did break up with Kyle on Wednesday night. And of course at midnight Brandon calls me, tells me he was in a 5-car pile-up .....wonderful news. He's ok and it wasn't his fault so it's all good there. I wouldn't exactly say that I am bored, and I know it's awfully selfish and self-centered to complain about being alone and everyone leaving me ......so I just don't know how to feel. Erica moved to Conway and she came to see me yesterday after school to tell me all of the crap that's goin on in her life......which is just so horrid. She's a great person and nothing this bad should be happening to her. I really am alone right now though, and all I wanna do is go right over that hill and have some fun out in the world but I can't........wow I suddenly feel pathetic like I have no life and this is as good as it'll get when just last night I was pretty happy with the world-amazing aint it. Saw all my old crew at the game- Josh and Cory, Jeremy, Buddy Rummel....and it hit me that even though they were always a blast and they cared about me, I'm ashamed almost that I was a part of that. So I've made amends with Mark for the time being, and Kyle refuses to talk to me because its awkward according to him. I think about what I need in my next boyfriend and then I realize how incredibly bitchy it is since I just got out of the relationship a few days ago. I have what I like to call "a new project" but it's by far not anything potential for the future...or at least I pray that it's not because if it turns out to be that way, God help me, I know that relationship will be Hell on Wheels. Sometimes I wonder if my life would be better if I didn't live here. I dunno but what I do know is that I need to go do SOMETHING...anything.....to get my mind off this crap.